The Naruto Chronicles
by Hyuun
Summary: Maids dresses, a giant squirrel, crossdressing, someone who thinks Lee is CUTE! Well, one thing's for sure, this is a summer or spring vacation no one's going to forget. A crack fic. Major OCness. ShikaxTema, NejixTen, SasuxSaku, Leexoc, slight Shinoxoc?
1. Enter Hyuun and Hari

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, because if I did, he would simply not exist! I do, however, I own Jimmy, Hyuun and Hari.

"I'm taking a summer vacation." Shikamaru threw his headband to the ground, scratching his head. Kiba, and his little cousin Jimmy, stopped dead in their tracks.

"What do you mean 'I'm taking a summer vacaction!'" Jimmy asked sharply, stopping mid-jutsu. She glared at him, her deep brown eyes piercing him.

"Yeah! It's spring!" Kiba agreed, raising a fist. Akamaru barked also.

Staring hatefully at her older cousin, Jimmy muttered, "You disgust me."

"Aww, Jimmy…"

Shikamaru sighed. _Why do I have to tag along with these two morons… I'd rather be with Temari… how bothersome…_Shikamaru thought. "No, really, I'm serious. I think we've been overworked since that last killing Naruto fiasco(OOC:see document 'When Naruto Dies!')…" He glared at her a bit, then continued, "And, this whole 'I'm-the-only-chunin-in-this-stinkin'-generation ordeal is getting on my nerves! This is far too bothersome! So, I'm taking a vacation, just for a couple months, but it's still a vacation."

"Yeah, a summer vacation… that sounds good! But let's make it a _spring _vacation!" Kiba smiled.

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" Jimmy shouted, slapping Kiba on the head. "Do you really mean that you're going to give up being a shinobi for even a little while! Taking off your headband is a symbol of _quitting_! And I don't think my two role-models would quit at anything, now would you!"

Kiba and Shikamaru stared at each other. "Uh, duh."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'UH, DUH!' THAT IS TERRIBLE, JUST SIMPLY TERRIBLE! HOW CAN YOU _LIVE _WITH YOURSELF! IT IS JUST SO TERRIBLE, THAT YOU TWO WOULD THINK IN SUCH A WAY! I'M ASHAMED TO HAVE YOU TWO AS MY ROLE-MODELS NOW! I WILL FOLLOW THE PATH OF THE SHINOBI, UNLIKE YOU!" Jimmy screamed, shaking her fists, and jumping on top of a rock to make the moment shine.

"What's she grumbling about, now?"

"Oh, hey Neji." Shikamaru and Kiba sighed, heads held low.

"Aw, c'mon guys, don't her boss you around. She's so annoying." TenTen said happily. Then stopped short to see Jimmy with a very red face. "B-but s-so, smart. A-and, and cute, yeah… uh… Neji help me!"

Neji shook his head sadly, "You're on your own sweetie- she's really evil." Everyone stared at him for a moment, shocked that 'sweetie' was even in Neji's vocabulary. "Uh… ah… I mean Ten… Ten."

"She is annoying." Gaara said, stepping out from the trees, sand surrounding him as pinecones fell. "May we I kill her?"

"YOU DARE KILL THE GREAT JIMMY!" Jimmy shouted at him, chucking a rock at him. Surprisingly, Gaara ducked and held up shaking hands.

"Y-yes ma'am!"

"'Yes _ma'am_!'" Kankuro shouted, then screamed in a very girly voice and fainted. Temari walked over to her younger brother, stared at him for a moment, then kicked him.

"The deed is done!" Temari chirped. Then picked up Kankuro and stuck him over a fire, which seriously appeared out of nowhere.

"Hey, somethin' cookin'?" Chouji asked, smiling.

Temari narrowed her eyes, "Only him. You want him? But I'll warn you, he tastes annoying."

Chouji rubbed his chin thoughtfully, but shook his head. "I don't eat annoying. It has strange bitter taste to it. Almost like Ino's hair…"

"_Chouji_! My hair doesn't taste annoying!" Ino grumbled, tying her hair up into a bun self-conciously.

"Nope, just you in general tastes annoying." Shikamaru said.

"Hey!"

"You guys, that is sooo gross!" Sakura whined, holding onto Sasuke's arm. "Sasuke! Protect me from Team Canibal!" she shrieked.

"Hey, Sakura, would you be a dear and _LET GO OF ME!_" Sasuke shouted, sending Sakura sprawling to the ground. "Thank you kindly."

"B-but Shino… that's not a good idea…" Hinata said, chasing after Shino, who was stomping toward Kiba angrily.

"But nothing, I'm doing it." Shino said simply.

"What are you two talking about?" Kiba asked cheerfully, smiling at Shino.

"Oh, nothing, 'buddy'." Shino answered, Kiba just stared at him blankly.

"Guys, guys! There is a strange duo standing at the village gates!" Rock Lee called, limping toward the group of genin (and one chunin) on his crutches.

"You mean stranger than you?" asked Neji.

"Yes! They are this way, please do follow me."

_Near the Konohakagure Village gates…_

"Hari…"

"Shut-up."

"But Hari…"

"Shut-up."

The two jonin ninjas stood before the Konoha Village gates. One with long blond hair was wearing a traditional temple monk's robes and a gigantic sword. While the other, had dyed-pink hair and was wearing a pop-culture style kimono with jeans underneath.

"There they are!"

"Lee, they don't look any weirder than you." TenTen said, staring at her fellow ninja disgustedly.

"B-but this other one, he was so short, and he had these huge eyebrows and this really, really weird jumpsuit. He was over there!" Lee shouted, pointing at a waterfall.

"Lee, that was you." Neji sighed.

"No it was not! He was all shaky like his outline was all messed up…" Lee exclaimed.

"Lee, you're an idiot." Neji sighed again.

The two jonin ninjas turned around. "Ooh, that one in the jumpsuit's kinda cute!" the jonin with pink hair said, pointing at Lee.

"Shut-up," said the other.

Lee's eyes grew even wider than they were normally. "Y-you really think so? You think _I'm _cute!" Lee asked.

"Yeah, of course!"

Neji and TenTen nearly fainted.

"_Anyway_, who are you!" Shikamaru asked, running up beside a passed-out Neji and TenTen.

"I'm Hyuun! And she's Hari! We're from the sand village!" the girl with the pink hair-Hyuun- answered cheerily. Then she narrowed her eyes, "And we're here to kill a certain Uzumaki Naruto."


	2. I've Been Wrong Before

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. If I owned Naruto, he'd be dead, and Lee would become the main. Muahahahaha! I do, however own Hyuun, Hari, and Jimmy.

"Sorry, Naruto' s dead. We killed him." Shikamaru explained simply. Hyuun and Hari just stared at him blankly. Then Hari spoke up;

"Shut-up. "

Kiba narrowed his eyes, ''What? Is that all you can say?" he asked. Hari, in response, raised a clenched fist at him, also narrowing her eyes, but looking far more threatening.

''Yeah, I can also say, 'I'm gonna kill you' would you like that better?" she snarled.

"N-no! 'Shut-up' is good... it' sgreat!" Kiba responded sheepishly. When Hari let her fist down and smiled a bit, Kiba let out a breath.

Then Hari turned to Hyuun, who was gawking at Rock Lee, who was posing. Then she covered her mouth with her hand then spoke, ''He's as frightened as a deer."

''What a bothersome girl. " Shikamaru sighed. Then he shook his head, then faced the two kunoichi. ''Well, that's beside the point, why would you want to kill Naruto anyway? He's just the village idiot, well, I mean, sure, he's accomplished a bunch of stuff and taken all the credit for it, but that still gives no reason for anyone to want to assassinate him."

Hari shrugged, "Well, you guys apparently assassinated him. It seems you're a lot dumber than you look." Shikamaru opened his mouth to protest, but Hari covered his mouth with her hand.

"Don't try to talk back to me. You'll never win, for I never lose."

Shikamaru stared at her dumbfounded as the Kiba ran toward him, TenTen, Neji and Lee. No one had ever talked to Shikamaru like he was inferior he has an IQ of over two-hundred! How could this girl, who looked no older than him, speak to him in such a way?

"Hey! Hey, Shikamaru are those two the weird people Lee was talking about?" Kiba called. He had Jimmy on his shoulders, and she had her arms folded, most likely pouting because no one would listen to her. When he skidded to a stop next to Shikamaru, Kiba studied Hyuun and Hari suspiciously, ''Hey, they don't look weirder than Lee!"

Shikamaru narrowed his eyes at his companion, then sighed, "Kiba, would you do us all a favor and shut up!" Kiba stuck out his tongue in response, but said nothing more.

The two kunoichi before them were just staring at them, Hyuun studying Kiba, trying to see if he was up to her standards on cuteness, and Hari picking her latest victim to pulverize.

"I've decided. I'm going to beat up him to pay for not having Naruto for us." Hari said bluntly, pointing at Kiba

"Why me!" he asked angrily, clenching his fists. "Do you even know who I am! I'm Inuzuka Kiba, of the Inuzuka clan obviously, and I could kick your butt so high you'd kiss the moon!"

Unfeeling of his words, Hari retorted, "I'm an elite level jonin of the Village Hidden in Sand, and you are a genin of the Village Hidden in Leaves. There is no challenge." Kiba blinked, amazed by Hari's calm way of putting things that were far from calm.

Hyuun, who had been silent the whole time, giggled. She tugged at her ripped kimono's sleeve, blushing. ''Yeah... he's real cute... " she mumbled, staring longingly at Lee, who was still studying the waterfall.

"Is that all you think about!" Hari snapped, throwing a shuriken at her old friend. Hyuun ducked instinctively, but said nothing, still staring at Lee.

Lee turned away from the waterfall and addressed Hyuun, "I am sorry, but I am in love with another woman. Haruno Sakura, to be exact. But she does not like me, however... she does not seem to like my hair... "

Hyuun's eyes seemed to flash. Through clenched teeth she hissed, "Oh, is that so?"

"Hey, wait a second guys!" TenTen said abruptly. She looked around the clearing before the village gates, finding nothing she continued, ''Where'd everyone else go?"

''Yeah, good question." Neji said, looking around too. "I'll just use my Byakugan and find them." He began making the signs necessary for the Hyuga clan justsu, but was stopped short by a terrified scream.

The group of ninjas near the gates turned around swiftly to see the others running toward them frantically. ''You guys! You guys! Jiraiya is chasing Gaara again! He's threatening to use some jutsu! We need to get out of here!" Chouji called, running as fast as he could- which wasn't very fast by the way- and headed straight to Shikamaru. ''Who the heck are those two?" he asked, staring at Hyuun and Hari suspiciously.

"Just more trouble," Shikamaru muttered. "But anyway, I guess we'll have to shelter Gaara... not that he needs it, but... "

'''But' what?"

"Maybe Temari will want us to protect him!" Shikamaru finished cheerfully, Chouji just shook his head. "And besides, I think he'd kill us if we didn't." Shikamaru added quickly, grinning sheepishly.

''Whatever you say, Shikamaru." Chouji sighed.

"Darn it! Why do we have to take that little brat along anyway!" Kankuro yelled, sprinting alongside Temari and Gaara.

Temari slapped him on the head sharply. ''He's your brother, moron! Why wouldn't you take care of him?" she scolded. But Kankuro just rolled his eyes.

"Oh, I dunno, maybe because he's possessed by a demon maybe!" Kankuro yelled at his sister.

"And maybe if he weren't such a sweet little cuddle-bunny we'd get along better!" he added sarcastically.

Gaara just shrugged, "Or maybe it's because I'd kill you two if you ditched me."

Both Temari and Kankuro were silent. Then Kankuro said quietly, "Kid's got a point, y'know."

Behind them, Hinata, Shino, Sakura, Sasuke, and Ino came sprinting toward the village gates, reasonably terrified. For some reason Jiraiya had set his sole purpose in life at getting back at Gaara for some reason, none of them knew, not even Gaara. But ever since Jiraiya got a good look at Gaara, he'd started chasing him and anyone who helped him, and everyone helped him, so Jiraiya was angry at them all.

All of the others skidded to a stop, staring at Hyuun and Hari suspiciously, but said nothing about them.

''Hurry up! We need to lose Jiraiya or distract him somehow! I'd use a genjutsu, but he's too advanced to fall for one of my jutsus. So we'll need to think of something else." Sakura shouted, pointing back toward where they'd came from.

"Maybe the 'oh-so-great' Uchiha clan kid over there could help you dorks out." Hari suggested, arms crossed. Everyone stared at her for a minute, surprised that she would refer to Sasuke in such a rude way. But by the looks of it, she wasn't very nice.

Sasuke stared at her, ''How did you know my name?" he asked.

Hari rolled her icy blue eyes, "Oh, the 'original' question. It's obvious. You look just like Itachi." Sasuke stared at her, hatefully this time. Then he snarled,

"How do you know my brother?"

"Hmm... I dunno, somewhere, someplace, he taught me a very handy jutsu also." Hari replied, rubbing her chin. "Uh... I think it had something to do with rocks... or maybe snakes... "

''He taught you one of his jutsus and you forget it?" Sasuke screamed angrily. "Anyway, who the heck are you? And what type of person makes friends with my brother?"

Hari stared at him icily. "I am an elite level jonin from the Village Hidden in the Sand, far more capable of understanding things than you. Thus, there is no need to explain exactly who I am, or how I met your brother, or knew anything else about you... Sasuke."

Shocked, Sasuke remained silent.

"I-I'm sorry, but if you two are elite jonin, then c-could you h-help us?" Hinata whispered from behind Shino. "I mean, if it's not too much trouble... If you two are busy, then we can cope, I guess. B-but if it were possible to help us... w-would you?"

Hari studied her for a moment, and so did Hyuun.

"No." Hari replied.

"Yes!" Hyuun replied.

''WHAT!''

Hari glared at her partner angrily, "What have they done for us? What have they to give us? I expect fair payment for my services. And besides, they're just snot-nosed brats, what would possess you to help them? We don't even know them, for god's sake!"

"No! That's not true! They deserve our help, they seem so desperate. Maybe, these people aren't so bad. Even if it means I'll have to fight without you, I'm going to help them, no matter what." Hyuun protested, securing her headband a little tighter, preparing for battle.

Hari sighed, rolling her eyes. "Oh, alright, if it makes you all fuzzy inside. I'll help out too, besides, I've heard of this Jiraiya person, I want to see if he is as strong as I've heard he is."

"So that means you're helping us?" Ino asked hopefully.

"Yeah." Hari and Hyuun smiled.

"Yes!" Kiba rejoiced, patting Akamaru, who barked happily.

"Hah! Like they could stand a chance against me!"

Everyone turned around to see Jiraiya standing before them. Kiba gasped, and Akamaru retreated to Kiba's jacket. Even Jimmy, who had been silent the whole time, opened her mouth in what looked like shock. Jimmy jumped down ftom Kiba's shoulders, landing on the ground with a soft thud.

"Humph, I don't care if you're one of the legendary Sanin! You're just an old dude, anyway. I'll beat a withered old chump like you any day!" Jimmy taunted, resting her hands on her hips. After a moment's silence, Jimmy grinned, then adjusted her puppy-eared hat, then held up her fists, "Okay, gramps, bring it!"

Jiraiya snickered. "Oh, really, you little fool? You dare challenge me, the legendary Sanin Jirai-"

"Shut-up. I think your new name should be Baka-chan." Hari interrupted him, walking coolly towards him.

Hyuun stared at her, then stammered quickly, "I-isn't that a little rude? I mean, you just met him. I think Baka-sempai is much more suitable!"

"YOU DARE CALL THE LEGENDARY SANIN, JIRAIYA, BAKA! Foolish girls, you will soon face my wrath!" Jiraiya shouted, running at Hari and Hyuun.

Hari and Hyuun just stopped walking, grinning at each other.

"Shall we use that jutsu?"

"Lets shall."

Hyuun began making signs to do a jutsu, while Hari unfastened a needle from her belt. "Art of the Bubble Prison!" Hyuun shouted, then took a deep breath, then let it go in a scream, "Bubble Prison Jutsu!"

A flurry of bubbles spewed from Hyuun's open mouth, surrounding Jiraiya. One pushed itself onto him, capturing him in it. "H-hey! Wait a minute! What sort of trick is this! Some sort of genjutsu?"

Hyuun shook her head, then giggled, ''Nope, just a simple ninjutsu! Nin, nin!" She waved at him gleefully.

Hari threw her needle she had been holding at Jiraiya and the bubble, which was now at least twenty feet above ground. "Bye-bye." Hari snickered. The bubble popped, and Jiraiya fell to the ground, causing dust to fly into the air.

In shock, Shikamaru stared at the two girls, who had before seemed weak and useless. Maybe girls weren't so bad... "Amazing..." he whispered.

"And now for the finale!" Hyuun and Hari shouted simultaneously. Hyuun began signing again, while Hari stepped back a bit.

"Polar Opposite Jutsu!" Hyuun shouted, sending a strange pink aura flying at Jiraiya, who was just getting up. But, much to everyone's surprise, Jiraiya, in a counterattack, shouted his own jutsu,

"Reflecting Mirror Jutsu!"

A mirror appeared before Jiraiya, which reflected the pink aura... And sent it flying at Shikamaru, Gaara, Neji, Sasuke, Lee, and Shino! "Ah ha ha ha ha har! You thought you could outsmart me, did you! Well, now you're in for a taste of your own medicine!" Jiraiya laughed, retreating to the bushes.

"I've been wrong before." Shikamaru sighed, covering his eyes, as the pink aura surrounded him.


	3. Is it something I said?

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. I do own Hyuun, Hari, and Jimmy.

"Watch out, you guys!" Hyuun screamed, sprinting toward the boys. But it was too late, she couldn't shove them out of the way in time. She stopped dead in her tracks, staring dumbly at the boys, who's bodies were surrounded by the pink aura. All Hyuun could say was, "Oh, great."

Shikamaru held his head, crouching close to the ground. "I feel... I feel like. .. " he stammered, then out of nowhere, he jumped up and grinned, suddenly dressed in a maid's dress. "Cleaning! I love to clean!"

"AAAAGGGGHHH!" Jimmy screamed, holding her head in her hands. "W-WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED, TO SHIKA-NII! HOW DID HE-" But she was interrupted by another scream, this one even shriller than her eight-year-old-girl voice.

"YAAAAGGH! GET THEM OFF, GET THEM OFF!"

''What? Shino, what are you doing?" Hinata asked, frantically running to her companion, who was slapping his arms quite as frantically as she was running. ''Wh-what's wrong?" she stammered.

"Th-the bugs! Get them off! They're scaring me! Please get them off, Hinata, please, please, oh please! It's terrible, how could I live with something like this! I-I... Wh-what are they doing! Are they... YAAAGGHH! THEY'RE IN ME! THEY'RE IN ME! GET THEM OUT! GET THEM OUT! GET THEM OUT! GET THEM OUT! HINATA!" Shino screamed, still slapping himself.

Hinata stared at him stupidly.

Hinata turned around, facing Hyuun, very concerned, ''Hyuun, is it? W -what has happened to Shino?"

"The jutsu makes the victim- WHAT THE!" Hyuun gasped, running toward Lee, who was on the ground, moaning.

Kiba ran to him, feeling his head, "Lee? Lee? Are you okay?"

''No. I'm so tired. Why should I even try anymore? It's so pointless... I suck... The world sucks...Everyone sucks... Ooh... Maybe I'll just stop trying. I'm just gonna stop breathing... and beating my heart... and moving my blood... " Lee moaned, his face planted in the dirt.

Kiba released Lee's head. ''What kind of jutsu is this!"

"Wee! Let's go skip through the happy flowers!"

Kankuro and Temari stared in shock at their brother, along with Neji and Sasuke, holding hands, and skipping toward a small field of flowers near them. Gaara was smiling, giggling, skipping with Uchiha Sasuke!

"G-Gaara!" Temari stammered, smiling.

''WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO GAARA!" Kankuro shouted, nearly foaming in the mouth, "He's so... so... happy! How is that emotion even possible! Gaara!"

Gaara turned around, smiling, "Big brother Kankuro! Come here!"

"HECK, NO! YOU'LL MURDER ME!"

Glumly, Gaara held his head low, lower lip trembling. "Do you mean you wouldn't hug your little brother? Your very own sibling? That makes me so... so sad..." He held out his hands, smiling sheepishly, "Will you make me feel better?"

Kankuro broke out into a sprint, with Gaara happily skipping behind him, shouting, "C'mere, big brother Kankuro!"

"I'll give you a hug, Gaara!" Temari giggled, embracing her little brother in a warm hug. "I love you!" Gaara, surprised, hugged her back, resting his head on her shoulder.

"I-I love you too..."

While Neji and Sasuke were talking, about... very weird things. "Wow, Sasuke, these flowers are beautiful!" Neji exclaimed.

''Yeah, I know!" Sasuke chirped.

Ino, Sakura, Hinata, Kiba, Kankuro, Temari, and Jimmy all stared at the boys. Jimmy finally shook the shock out of her head, then screamed at Hyuun, ''What the heck does this jutsu do? I mean, Shino's slapping himself, Lee's on the ground being lazy, Neji and Sasuke are talking about flowers, Gaara's being sweet, and Shikamaru-chan is in a DRESS!"

Hyuun shook her head sadly, "I'm sorry... 1 didn't know Jiraiya would be able to block that attack... " But she looked Jimmy in the eye and explained, ''The Polar Opposite Jutsu channels energy into the opponent's brain, there is so much energy that it zaps their brains and befuddles their personalities. Which causes them to act this way. It's very useful if you want to confuse you enemy, so... But thankfully it only lasts for a limited amount of time."

"Oh, gee, thank god." Jimmy said sarcastically. ''Then what are we supposed to do for the remainder of the time!"

Rubbing her chin, Hyuun sighed, "Well, there's nothing we can do right now... so I guess we'll need to just wait."

The girls- and Kiba, Chouji and Kankuro- nodded. Temari smiled, then laughed, "Oh, I could enjoy this, I could enjoy this very well! Gaara's never showed any love toward me, so now's my only chance! But then again...Shikamaru..."

"Torn between two worlds, huh? That is so girly!" Kiba snorted.

"You dare insult a girl!" Hari shouted, ''Well, then, you'll need to face the wrath of, Summoning Cats Jutsu!" Hari made signs, then a low rumble began. Then it grew louder, and louder. Until a swarm of cats sprung from the trees, heading straight at Kiba.

"What the heck! Cats! I hate cats! Y AAGGH! GET AWAY FROM ME, KITTIES!" Kiba screamed, running around in circles as the swarm of cats chased him.

Temari raised an eyebrow, "You like torturing guys?" Hari nodded. "Cool. I could get along with someone like you. Friends?"

"Friends." Hari agreed, and they shook hands. Kankuro stared at the two of them disgustedly.

"G-guys... " Chouji stammered, pointing at something. "It's a giant squirrel. .. And I don't think it looks like it wants to give us a kiss, either!" Sure enough, there was a giant, mutated squirrel, drooling at them. "RUN!"

Everyone sprinted away, except for Gaara, who was holding a flower, but just stared at the squirrel and the screaming ninjas blankly. "Is it something I said?"


End file.
